Really Though?

I ran into a bit of a quandary tonight(it’s Aug 4th BTW). At roughly 2:05am Pacific standard time, I made an attempt at purchasing a 20 oz. Coca Cola bottle from the Dasani Dispenser located within the Millbrae 24 Hour Fitness. At the relatively steep price of 2.00 dollars, I was already hesitant to buy it. Yet I also needed to work for 4 ½ more hours, I needed some caffeine…..Badly. So I inserted my bills into the proper receptacle, found my drinks respected number and punched it into a trusty keypad.

The front of the machine is entirely clear so that you could see your potential choices. It was due to this engineering feature that I was able to watch with curious intent as the machine began to retrieve my soda from it’s comfortable resting place 4th row up all the way to the left. A vertically placed hydraulic pump began to lift a horizontally moving conveyor belt up to the fourth row. A smile began to form at the corner of my mouth as I realized how they intended to attain my drink. I looked up quickly to see the efficient tabs holding the drink pop open, and waited for it to fall on the conveyor belt. It didn’t. Interesting. I directed my attention back up and discovered my coke leaning against the glass in a rather awkward looking position. I thought hmm now why is this occurring . Upon closer inspection I discovered that it was because of a faulty tab that didn’t open as it was supposed to.

Scratching my chin I debated on the most intelligent way to proceed. I needed this coke. I mean, it was already 2:08am and I still didn’t have the sugar and caffeine rush my body so desperately craved. So naturally I did what any self-respecting intelligent man does when he runs into something he can’t fix. I kicked it, pounded on the glass and shook it. It was only then, after I had shaken the entire machine that I was able to jostle it from the precipice on which it lay. It fell and landed with a thud onto the conveyor belt where it was pushed along at a slow clip until finally it………hit the side of the machine and went absolutely FUCKING NOWHERE! Apparently my enthusiastic disturbance had dislodged the petite and fragile mechanism from it’s cradle, and now it was entirely ineffective. So my $2.00 is gone, and my coke sits there grinning it’s devilish red smile from a mere row away from it’s intended resting place. I didn’t have 2.00 more dollars on hand. It was over, my quest for a coke and open-eyed salvation was nothing but dust in the wind. I pivoted on my heel and walked back to the front desk after stopping for an unsatisfactory sip of water from the fountain. Lame.

While I was content with the fact that I would not have a coke tonight, I still had a bone to pick with the idea-men at Coca-Cola Enterprises. I mean what happened to the old school machines, were I clicked the square that had the drink I wanted and it was either sold out or I got it. There are 6 fucking rows of water, 6 rows of grape flavored powerade, 6 rows of diet coke, 6 rows of sprite, and 1 row of regular Fucking Coke. 1 row! Does that make any sense at all? No it doesn’t, and why the hell are they selling soda at a gym in the first place. Granted I’m not working out, if I was I wouldn’t put that in my body before or afterwards. I’ve never seen technology get so complicated and yet backtrack so badly. In this case technology tripped on the top step and fell all the way down the stairs, or maybe that was just the Engineer. In any case who needs a hydraulic pump and a conveyor belt when the machine could just drop it to the bottom for me to grab. True I might have to wait for the pressure in the bottle to wane, but at least I would get my drink. Also what the fuck is up with having 18, yes 18 buttons to press. Isn’t it supposed to be simpler? What is up with this A9 bullshit, when I could have just clicked a picture of a Coke. Not to mention when there are 6 rows of Diet Fucking Coke couldn’t they all just be A1 rather than A1-6, I mean really though what is the point of all this madness? Aaaaaaaannnnnnndddddddd END RANT